Tagged: craft not crap beer

Review: Stone Brewing Co. | Enjoy By 02.14.15 IPA

Stone Enjoy by 21415
CHAPTER 4 – Regurgitation
Head
hung,
I gazed upon my orthopedic shoes, longingly.
If only I could stand as straight as a light pole
Liam droned—somehow excitedly—on, and on, about British dramedies now streaming on Netflix.
Great, sounds as exciting as a homemade hanging broadcast from a creaky loft in an unfinished summer cottage in the Cape, at twilight, as the boats draw into the harbor.
GO TUGBOATS!!!
He stuttered against my profile, as my eyes focused like lenses upon the voluptuous essence lolling upon the barstool in the endearing shit-hole we shared.
God bless the Onion city! Defend! Advocate! Scintillate! Desecrate!
She
Begged
For attention in that kind of
“Can’t you see I want to be alone?”
Kind of way
Yeah, I hear you, babe. I love being left alone. Have I told you how long I’ve been alone? Let’s compare our longevity. Oh, too hot for you?
THAT’S
JUST
HOW
I
FLY
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH
”…on bicycles, surrounded by screens just showing these awful, reality shows…”
“Oh, yeah. Sounds like a great show; I’ll have to check it out. It’s on Netflix?”
I took a big gulp of beer, nearly choking.
It was worth it—
Kiwi, pine, plum, mango, papaya disturbed the senses. I was in a fucking tropical paradise. Passionfruit laid out the welcome mat, pineapple came on strong, drawing me in.
Slight biscuit,
cracker malt.
Elements of juniper and gin at the very end.
Flintstone vitamins.
Stoned immaculate.

CHAPTER 5 – Conversation
Leaning in, I see her pupils deflate to the tune of a pin pressed gently into a vinyl balloon.
I slyly sauntered over, eyes ablaze with perverse intent.
I burped Hi-C Ecto Cooler in her face.
I could see her eyes burn in the midst of that tropical bomb.
“Hey, are you enjoying the band? My name is—“
Jesus, you sick fuck.”

CHAPTER 6 – Aftertaste
As my future wife scampered off in disgust, I slouched on her abandoned bar stool. Listlessly swirling the tungsten potion in my right hand I sniffed and snorted, loudly. Cannabis, orange, apricot, hints of Oolong tea. Brilliant shit. Slight herbal hops. Kumquat. Lemon, citrus candy, Orange Kool-Aid, better than Sunday morning sex—
The folks to my right were staring at me, clearly trying to figure out if I knew I was thinking out loud (I didn’t).
Ooh, girl, I want to take you out back to my tool shed and spank the lipstick off you, boo.
They began to fidget uncomfortably.
Baby, you taste like a sexy bunny.
The young woman began to tug on her boyfriends arm, hoping to quickly escape.
Bitch, I’m gonna drink the fuck right out your mouth—
The aforementioned boyfriend stood up, approached me directly with the most scowling bitchface before barking, “you’re a sick fuck. You know that?”

God—

Ok, that’s it, I can’t write anymore of this shit.
This is so stupid.
I don’t know; just go and drink the beer. It’s good like last time.

Like, I’m wasting my time.

*9.4 out 10*