Tagged: Beer Reviews

Beerenders ’17: Karla Noboa

tension tamer

Karla works for the Nature Conservancy.

Karla doesn’t drink beer.

For some reason, Karla wanted to contribute to this beer-centric year-end wrap up series.

This is the equivalent of putting your kindergartner’s god-awful scribble art on the refrigerator.

Happy new year.


Beerenders ’17: Derek Piette

Here’s the first submission for Beerenders 2017, and it’s a fucking doozy. Derek is a bartender at Maine Beer Company, so of course he’d put a MBC beer on this list. What a surprise. Anyway, here are Derek’s thoughts, verbatim:


1. Hill Farmstead Brewery | Anna (Biere de Miel)


1. Mast Landing Brewing Co. | Gunner’s Daughter (Milk Stout w/Peanut Butter)

mast landing gunners daughter

1. TRVE Brewing Co. | Cursed (American Wild Ale)

trve cursed.jpg

1. Maine Beer Co. | Peeper (American Pale Ale)

maine beer peeper.png

1. FATE Brewing Co. | Moirai IPA w/Coffee

fate brewing moirai coffee.jpg

Yay everyone’s a winner! For just that sudden moment, things seemed to be not too fucking shitty with the world. Beer is great. You know it. i know it. Everybody knows it.

Shut the fuck up, Derek. Things are getting progressively shittier and your hippie participation trophy bullshit isn’t helping anything. But, maybe you’ve got a point. Lists are dumb. Everyone is terrified of the future and should really just enjoy the moment with whatever they want to drink with whomever they choose to do that with. Life is meaningless. I haven’t felt this level of despair since I was left resorted to the fetal position under a table at a rundown Burger King a year and a half ago. I had received a cease and desist letter from Usain Bolt’s lawyers for using his likeness on a bath toy I created that I affectionately called “Usain Boat,”or “U-Boat” for short. Anyway folks, keep sending your meaningless lists and I’ll pretend the world’s not on fire.


I just wanted to make him proud

usain running.jpg

*Usain Boat/10*

FUUUUUCKK It’s Beerenders 2017…

On the one hand, thank God it’s the end of the year. On the other hand, it’s time for another round of this year-end best-of beer bullshit. Here’s what to expect: Stupid fucking lists of masturbatory pomp and circumstance about beverages. If you want to contribute to this dumbassed annual tradition, send your list(s) via a Facebook message. Or, if you real sneaky, slide in those Insta DMs.

Fuck this.

Here’s a picture of my two favorite boys:

usain burger

Review: Bissell Brothers Brewing Co. | Lux Rye Pale Ale

photo credit: Bissell Bros, twitter

photo credit: Bissell Bros, twitter

i’ve never committed adultery

the closest i’ve ever come

is flirting across town with two cats

in animal crossing.


i’ve never dabbled in that purple music.


that violin-laden chorus

punctuated with muted, arrogant trumpets and

spoiled with perverted

ivory keys


or perhaps,

maybe I’ve slid a finger or two

into the opening of a can

but not before


its contents into an unfortunate willi becher


reminiscing to the days of

listening to “me and mrs. jones,”

on repeat,

in a market basket,


eating english muffins in the bread aisle

and drinking johnnie walker double black from

the flask

your mother got you

for christmas.

the cute grocery clerk asks you if you’re alright

passed out on the polyurethane covered tiles.


she doesn’t notice the crumbs

you don’t notice

she’s still in high school.


winters are magical.


the aperture captures

more than what is simply put

directly in its line of fire.


the work of art conveys

the true spirit of the artist

despite his silence.


onion beer.

stanky stanky

got that danky lanky

pepper spray

take your pants off and pray

citrus pledge wipes


yet crisp

like the junction of lips on a cold night,

before copious apologies.



as I imagined that


awkward kiss

with billy mays


to be oxy cleaned

by my oxy queen

peel the paint right off the wall.



oh shit


the beer is good.


*9.8 out of 10*

Review: Brasserie Dieu du Ciel! | Solstice d’été aux Framboises

Photo credit: beerism.ca

Photo credit: beerism.ca

My God, this beer smells incredible. It’s so bright and fruity! How distinctively tart, like a field of ripe red raspberries dancing in the cool breeze! The nose on this is so good I could just

Vote for Hillary Clinton.










*9.0 out of 10*