Category: Uncategorized

Review: Branch and Blade Brewing | Alone in My Head Frappe IPA


U remember sleepin ovr at yr best

buds house n putting a blanket under the door to trick the rents to think u asleep but really u playing tony hawk pro skater

and then you hit the

special combo

right when Superman by goldfinger comes on and ur l






*9.6 out of 10*

Review: Hill Farmstead Brewery | Double Citra


Someone went out of their way to give me a can of this– the same can in this horrible picture– to tell me that the beer began to fall off within a week.

You cannot get citronella, peach, pear, orange pith, and fucking AriZona Arnold Palmer black tea and lemonade if this beer lost its groove in a week.

Good as ever.

Fucking idiot.

*9.8 out of 10*

Review: Tilted Barn Brewery | The Other One DIPA



Suburban white lady vibes

deck chairs 401k Natalie.Portman.exe new leggings w/"WElls Fargo" on the ass

You know what it is. I mean, there’s the greasy spoon diner orange marmalade, the woo woo girl peach Bellini treatment, that apricot fruit leather,  but there’s some strange overtones I can’t quite wrap my head around around around around around around






Yo FUCk Roger Goodell

*8.9 out of 10*

Beerenders ’17: Kate Cartwright

My legal counsel has advised that I keep lips tight about this whole usain-a olt-bay situation. So, without further interruption, here’s another bullshit top-5 list. Thing is, I can’t tell what order this list is in. I can’t tell if it’s a top-5, or just a… five. 

This time we’ve got a submission from Kate.  Kate is chief,


what does this say


“wish mistress” (her words) at the Beverage Warehouse of Vermont.

Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, here’s the mash wistress verbatim:

1. Almanac Beer Co. | Splendid Population (American Imperial Sour Blonde Ale)

Almanac Splendid-Population-Sept.-19-Feature_grande

because I just had it and it was pretty perfect

2. Cervejaria Way | Jabuti Gose


cuz it is oh so dry and I had no idea such a thing as Jabuti existed prior to drinking it

3. Goose Island Brewery | Madame Rose (Belgian-style Wild Ale, 2015 Vintage)


because Paul (Kate’s male lover) and I saved it for a year and drank it on our wedding day and it was better than champagne

4. Upper Pass Beer Co. | First Drop (American Pale Ale)


because it became my favorite new IPA that calls itself an APA AS IF THERE’S A DIFFERENCE? (is there?)

5. Yohan Lardy | Les Michelons (Moulin-a-Vent) Cru Beaujolais 2014


cuz fuck off, I drink more wine than beer and this fucker is tight and tense and should stay in a box for a few more years but I let it out anyway

I’m going to jail

*dun dun/10*

Beerenders ’17: Derek Piette

Here’s the first submission for Beerenders 2017, and it’s a fucking doozy. Derek is a bartender at Maine Beer Company, so of course he’d put a MBC beer on this list. What a surprise. Anyway, here are Derek’s thoughts, verbatim:


1. Hill Farmstead Brewery | Anna (Biere de Miel)


1. Mast Landing Brewing Co. | Gunner’s Daughter (Milk Stout w/Peanut Butter)

mast landing gunners daughter

1. TRVE Brewing Co. | Cursed (American Wild Ale)

trve cursed.jpg

1. Maine Beer Co. | Peeper (American Pale Ale)

maine beer peeper.png

1. FATE Brewing Co. | Moirai IPA w/Coffee

fate brewing moirai coffee.jpg

Yay everyone’s a winner! For just that sudden moment, things seemed to be not too fucking shitty with the world. Beer is great. You know it. i know it. Everybody knows it.

Shut the fuck up, Derek. Things are getting progressively shittier and your hippie participation trophy bullshit isn’t helping anything. But, maybe you’ve got a point. Lists are dumb. Everyone is terrified of the future and should really just enjoy the moment with whatever they want to drink with whomever they choose to do that with. Life is meaningless. I haven’t felt this level of despair since I was left resorted to the fetal position under a table at a rundown Burger King a year and a half ago. I had received a cease and desist letter from Usain Bolt’s lawyers for using his likeness on a bath toy I created that I affectionately called “Usain Boat,”or “U-Boat” for short. Anyway folks, keep sending your meaningless lists and I’ll pretend the world’s not on fire.


I just wanted to make him proud

usain running.jpg

*Usain Boat/10*