On the one hand, thank God it’s the end of the year. On the other hand, it’s time for another round of this year-end best-of beer bullshit. Here’s what to expect: Stupid fucking lists of masturbatory pomp and circumstance about beverages. If you want to contribute to this dumbassed annual tradition, send your list(s) via a Facebook message. Or, if you real sneaky, slide in those Insta DMs.
Here’s a picture of my two favorite boys:
Yo, if you go see Blade Runner 2049, leave a comment about your thoughts on the movie. It’s almost three hours long, but it’s fast as fuck– You got to pay attention though, because the movie is all dialogue and random bird-eye view shots on dystopian LA and some desolation and shit.
There a bunch of sexy robots and allusions to the Immaculate Conception.
If you feel confused by the end of the movie, I don’t blame you, it’s fucking confusing as hell—Ryan Gosling flying a Peugeot and drinking robot liquor—how’s a robot drink liquor? You ever watch Futurama? Bender drinks all the fucking time. It’s crazy that robots can become alcoholics, but like, in reverse or some shit. Anyway
Harrison Ford kills it
If you don’t really understand the movie, there are some pretty good recaps in Variety and NPR, so check those out—oh, and there’s some on YouTube, but there are spoilers if you’re not careful. Don’t check out “Blade Runner Original RECAP – Everything You need to Know Before Blade Runner 2049” by New Rockstars if you haven’t seen the first movie but still want to see Blade Runner 2049 but are too cheap to rent the original Blade Runner but plan on watching it at some point. It’ll ruin the whole experience and you’re going to want to punch yourself in the dick afterwards.
So check out the new movie
Get there early with you and your buddies, maybe a few margaritas deep, and spend some money on some irresponsible bullshit. Get a large popcorn with extra butter sauce and some Sour Patch Kids™ but make sure all of that shit is well integrated. You’re already spending more money than you should on shit you could get at the grocery store for much cheaper, so if you get that gritty shit at the bottom of the bag, you might as well have an aneurysm and sue the shit out of the theater goddamn it
Get your tickets
Preferably in IMAX
IMAX is fucking amazing
How do they do that?
3D movies are trash though. Whoever
*7.8 out of 10*
- very expensive
grand cru red burgundy
Mix it with some black raspberry warheads
And shake that shit up
And used gym socks
Looking into my cold dead eyes
With your cold dead eyes
“You remember Pirates of the Caribbean?
It was a pretty good franchise
Abstract: Though at first a tenuous argument, there is a comparison to be made between Chance the Rapper’s 2016 mixtape, Coloring Book, and Allagash Brewing Company’s Hoppy Table Beer. Both are both modest in content and approach—Chance’s album was free and widely available. Fantastic in every sense of the word, it also deals with humbling topics while being very lighthearted. Allagash released a similarly fantastic beer the same year despite the hype of huge haze bombs, and— echoing Michael Kiser, here— could have called it a session Belgian pale ale/IPA. However, they went another route because it wanted to be accessible to a wide audience and be true to themselves, the beer itself, and its image. Plus, the beer drinks well with the album. I’d want to meet Chance and Rob Tod equally for the same reasons. In this article, I will provide evidence of this esoteric relationship and prove that two different creative paths can converge in one beautiful destination. With an open mind, please consider the following.
BIG UPDATE GUYS
Check out the new handle on the shitter!
2016 was spent mostly drunk, stumbling through suburbia underneath the lampposts. The tall green oaks stretching over and above as stalactites, the nocturnal world was a cavern of summer hell. The creatures of the night, the specters of regret, slept in strangers’ beds or on sidewalks.
What used to tingle now went numb
As the sensation of subversion now became
Sitting in the taproom, on the barstool yet to be broken, listening to Coloring Book, a sermon was delivered.
Ain’t no Twitter in Heaven
The sun bled into the room like over-salted stirfry, pungent and nauseating.
Always good at hungover
A gift of gab
Thin and sharp
The puffed up
Get the fuck out of my bar
And you ain’t slick either
4:30 and the seesaw plateaus
Head upon the picnic tables
Bottle in hand.
Chorus blaring a
Gold as straw and so mellow
Yellow haze, white and sticky
Using words like effervescent
Like it means something
Pineapple and cat piss.
Like it means something.
Juicy fruit gum.
That’s more like it. Light pine and grapefruit.
Slight bandaid, but not to a fault
Classic latex glove.
Sterile, yet so dirty.
Pine. Peach. Pear. Dry Tonic water
—so, quinine and lemon?
coriander comes through, mostly towards the end.
That unmistakable, indescribable
and tropical all at the same time.
I’m telling you guys, the toilet works great!
*9.5 out of 10*
We sat in the front seat of the school bus and he showed me his YuGiOh cards, while I sat, reticent, eyes glazed over, straining to feign a doting air. I knew, glancing at his uniquely steady hands, that he could shoot up a school at a moment’s notice. Nobody liked Cory. Hell, I didn’t like Cory. I wrung my hands trying to bond with him over our favorite My Chemical Romance song as I contemplated abrading my groin with coarse sandpaper in a fetishistic act of escapism.
An arsenal of anxiety
Born out of bad timing
I invested in a few moments in purgatory
To dodge an intentional bullet.
These are the folks that might grow up,
Join the military
And vent their frustrations out alone
Or if they’re lucky
Start a family
Never talk about
That’s this beer. For everyone who considered suicide a fashion statement, there’s this beer. For everyone who got a little too much into Norse mythology, there’s this beer. For anyone who’s currently a CPA, there’s this God-forsaken Belgian Tripel.
Just give him the money and go.
Let him eat his taco bell in the food court
Apricot, hazy, gold around the edges of the glass. Bright, white, fluffy head. Moderate lacing.
banana acetone, white pepper, rosemary and thyme. Orange and grass.
For no one but himself
Apple cider, black pepper, bananas if they were bitter, bubblegum, buckwheat honey, baked apple. Cloyingly sweet…
But who will find them?
Effervescent, syrupy, medium thick.
Like the blood on li
My fin gers
*9.4 out of 10*